One of the hardest things for a young man to do is stand alone.

It’s easy to make the right decision when everyone around you agrees with it.

It’s much harder when your friends are headed in one direction and something inside you is telling you to go another.

At some point, almost every young man will face that moment.

Maybe your friends are making fun of another kid.

Maybe someone offers you alcohol or a vape.

Maybe the guys are talking about a girl in a way you know isn’t right.

Maybe someone suggests cheating on a test.

Or maybe it’s nothing that serious. You simply find yourself pretending to like something, believe something, or act a certain way because everyone else does.

There’s tremendous pressure when you’re young to fit in.

But you don’t always have to.

In fact, learning when not to fit in is an important part of becoming a man.

Belonging and Fitting In Aren’t the Same Thing

Everyone wants to belong.

There’s nothing wrong with that.

Friendship, teams, clubs and other groups give us companionship and a sense of purpose. Some of the best experiences you’ll have in life will come from being part of a group.

But there’s an important difference between belonging and fitting in.

Belonging says:

“These people accept me for who I am.”

Fitting in can become:

“I need to change who I am so these people will accept me.”

That’s a dangerous trade.

If membership in a group requires you to compromise your values, perhaps you’re trying to fit into the wrong group.

It Takes Confidence and Poise to Go Your Own Way

Standing apart from the crowd isn’t easy.

It takes confidence.

It also takes poise.

Poise means you don’t have to make a big scene about your decision.

You don’t have to give a speech.

You don’t have to insult your friends.

You don’t have to announce that you’re morally superior to everyone else.

Sometimes all you need to say is:

“No thanks.”

Or:

“I’m not doing that.”

And then move on.

That’s quiet confidence.

Knowing who you are eliminates the need to prove it to everybody else.

Follow Your Moral Compass

I recently wrote about morals being your inner compass.

A compass doesn’t tell you where everyone else is going.

It tells you which direction you should go.

That’s an important distinction.

Your friends will influence you.

Social media will influence you.

Popular culture will influence you.

Coaches, teachers and other adults will influence you.

But ultimately, you have to decide what you believe is right and wrong.

Ask yourself:

Is this honest?

Is this fair?

Would I be comfortable if my parents knew?

Does this decision reflect the kind of man I want to become?

Sometimes your compass will point in a different direction than the crowd.

Follow it anyway.

You May Not Be as Alone as You Think

Here’s something interesting I’ve learned from working with young men:

When everybody appears to be going along with something, that doesn’t necessarily mean everybody agrees with it.

Several guys may be thinking:

“This isn’t a very good idea.”

But nobody wants to be the first one to say it.

Then one young man finally does.

“I’m out.”

Suddenly another guy says:

“Yeah, me too.”

And maybe another follows.

It turns out several people were waiting for someone else to have enough courage to go first.

That someone might be you.

Leadership Doesn’t Require Followers

We often picture a leader standing in front of a group with everyone following behind.

But some of the greatest acts of leadership happen when nobody follows.

A true leader doesn’t make the right decision because people are watching.

He doesn’t do it because it will make him popular.

And he doesn’t change direction because nobody follows him.

True leaders do not care whether they have followers when they know they’re headed in the right direction.

That’s leadership at its purest.

You choose the right path because it’s the right path.

If others follow, great.

If they don’t, keep walking.

Ironically, that’s often exactly why people eventually do follow.

They recognize someone who isn’t desperate for their approval.

Be Careful Who Gets a Vote

You should listen to other people.

Good friends can challenge you, correct you and sometimes prevent you from making terrible decisions.

But not everybody deserves an equal vote in how you live your life.

Before allowing someone’s opinion to influence you, ask yourself:

Do I respect the way this person lives?

That’s a pretty good test.

Don’t take directions from someone headed somewhere you don’t want to go.

Standing Alone Gets Easier

The first time you stand against the crowd can be uncomfortable.

Your heart may race.

You may wonder what everyone thinks about you.

You may even second-guess yourself.

Do it anyway.

Because something happens each time you make a difficult decision based on your principles:

You build confidence.

You discover that being different isn’t fatal.

You discover that your real friends still respect you.

And most importantly, you discover that you can trust yourself.

That confidence will serve you for the rest of your life.

Final Thought

There will be plenty of crowds in your life.

Some will be headed exactly where you want to go.

Join them.

Some won’t.

Let them go without you.

You don’t need to be rude.

You don’t need to be judgmental.

You don’t need to convince everyone else that you’re right.

Have the confidence and poise to follow your own moral compass.

And remember:

You don’t need a crowd behind you to know you’re headed in the right direction.

Sometimes becoming a leader begins with having the courage to walk alone.