Choose Friends Who Bring Out the Best in You

One of the greatest blessings in my life has been friendship.

I have a couple of friends from kindergarten.

Think about that for a minute.

Kindergarten.

I’m not talking about people I occasionally exchange Christmas cards with or send a text message to once in a while—although I do both with these guys.

I’m talking about friends I still spend a week golfing with every single year.

That group also includes a couple of friends from college.

Some of these friendships have lasted more than 55 years.

Others have lasted over 40 years.

Do you have friends from kindergarten?

How many true friends do you have from that period of your life?

I’ll check back with you in 45 years.

The fact that these friendships have endured isn’t an accident.

There’s a simple secret to having good friends:

If you want good friends, you must first be a good friend.

Simple?

Yes.

Easy?

Not always.

But I can tell you from experience that the rewards far outweigh the effort.

The right friends make life richer, more enjoyable, and more meaningful.

They celebrate your victories, help you through your struggles, and remind you who you are when life gets difficult.

Just as importantly, they bring out the best in you.

Choose Friends Who Make You Better

One of the most important decisions a young man makes is choosing his friends.

The people you spend time with influence:

• Your attitudes
• Your habits
• Your goals
• Your values
• Your character

Good friends challenge you to become a better version of yourself.

They encourage you when you’re discouraged.

They celebrate your successes without jealousy.

They tell you the truth when you need to hear it.

And they help you become the man you want to be.

Choose friends who bring out the best in you—not the worst.

Keep Them Posted

Communication is the foundation of every relationship.

Friendships are no different.

Share what’s happening in your life.

Share your victories.

Share your disappointments.

Share your dreams.

Share your struggles.

Time and distance have a way of making us think something isn’t important enough to mention.

Share it anyway.

Sometimes a lot happens in a short period of time.

Sometimes very little happens over a long period of time.

Good friends stay connected through both.

Learn to Listen

Maya Angelou once said:

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

If you want to be a good friend, spend less time talking and more time listening.

Listen carefully.

Remember what your friend tells you.

Follow up later.

If they share a concern, ask about it again.

If they’re struggling, check in.

If they tell a funny story, bring it up months later and laugh about it together.

People feel valued when they know you’re paying attention.

Read Between the Lines

One of the things true friends learn to do is recognize when something isn’t right.

Sometimes a friend says, “I’m fine,” when they’re anything but fine.

Good friends notice.

They see pain behind a smile.

They recognize when someone is struggling.

And they care enough to ask.

If a friend is hurting, be there.

Listen.

Encourage.

Support.

And if you ever believe a friend may be considering hurting themselves, tell a trusted adult immediately.

Helping a friend sometimes means getting additional help.

Time Is Not on Your Side

Right now, many young people see their friends every day.

School makes friendship easy.

Life eventually changes that.

Careers.

Marriage.

Children.

Responsibilities.

Distance.

All of those things compete for your time.

Friendships that last require intentional effort.

Phone calls.

Lunch meetings.

Golf trips.

Road trips.

Video chats.

Texting is helpful, but there is still no substitute for meaningful conversations face-to-face.

The older you get, the more you realize that friendships deserve a place on your calendar.

Make Time to Laugh

One of my favorite parts of getting together with old friends is the laughter.

We laugh about things that happened decades ago.

Stories we’ve told a hundred times.

Inside jokes nobody else understands.

Memories that become funnier every year.

Humor gives life to friendship.

It reminds us not to take ourselves too seriously.

Some of the best moments in life happen when you’re laughing so hard your stomach hurts.

When I look in the mirror these days, I often think of a line from one of my favorite singer-songwriters, Jimmy Buffett:

“Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been.”

That’s a pretty good way to measure a life.

Be Honest

Every strong friendship is built on trust.

And trust requires honesty.

A true friend tells you what you need to hear—not just what you want to hear.

But honesty should always be delivered with kindness.

Good friends tell the truth because they care.

Not because they want to win an argument.

They also allow themselves to be honest about who they really are.

If you’re constantly pretending to be someone else, you’ll never know whether the friendship is real.

Real friends accept each other—strengths, weaknesses, flaws, and all.

No Strings Attached

True friendship isn’t transactional.

It’s not based on what someone can do for you.

It’s not based on popularity.

It’s not based on social status.

It’s not based on convenience.

True friendship asks:

“What can I do for my friend?”

Not:

“What can my friend do for me?”

The best friendships are built on generosity, not self-interest.

Through Thick and Thin

Good friends celebrate together.

Great friends struggle together.

Life will eventually test every friendship.

There will be disappointments.

Failures.

Losses.

Challenges.

During those moments, loyalty matters.

Be the friend who shows up.

Be the friend who stays.

Be the friend who supports others even when life isn’t easy for you either.

Those are the friendships that last.

Bury the Hatchet

No friendship is perfect.

Disagreements are inevitable.

When they happen, learn to compromise.

Learn to forgive.

Learn to respect different opinions.

Some of the best friends you’ll ever have may challenge the way you think.

That’s not a weakness in a friendship.

It’s often a strength.

You don’t have to agree on everything to care deeply about each other.

Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve

Strong friendships require vulnerability.

At some point, you have to trust someone enough to let them see who you really are.

Your fears.

Your dreams.

Your failures.

Your regrets.

Your hopes.

Your goofy side.

Your serious side.

The more authentic you are, the deeper your friendships become.

And when a friend trusts you with their vulnerability, treat it like a gift.

Protect it.

The Only Constant Is Change

The reality is that we all change.

The person you are today won’t be the person you are ten years from now.

You’ll gain experiences.

Learn lessons.

Change opinions.

Develop new interests.

A true friendship grows through those changes.

It adapts.

It matures.

It endures.

Because friendship isn’t about remaining the same.

It’s about remaining connected.

Final Thought

I’ve been fortunate to have friendships that have lasted more than half a century.

Looking back, I’ve learned that lasting friendships don’t happen by accident.

They require effort.

Communication.

Honesty.

Loyalty.

Forgiveness.

Laughter.

Time.

Most importantly, they require two people who genuinely care about each other.

Choose friends who bring out the best in you.

Then work hard to be the kind of friend who brings out the best in them.

You may be surprised where that friendship takes you over the next 40 or 50 years.